I have a confession. I regularly watch Hindi soaps. However, I must state that I watch these shows under duress so that I can spend time with my grandparents. Now don't get me wrong, my Grandmom is the most awesome person you will ever meet, only problem is that she likes some sort of simulated drama in her life.
After watching an excruciating amount of soaps I have come up with all the ingredients that would constitute a good soap.
- Music at all points in the show: Most people do not notice this but at all points in time in a Hindi soap there is background music Either the government has installed loudspeakers all over the country to play soothing and sometimes spectacular music (which somehow always play at the right times) or the soap industry has decided to offer permanent employment to musicians who find jobs hard to get. Lets assume that the soap industry out of the goodness of their hearts has decided to help the Indian Music industry.
- Everyone goes to jail once: The most used costume in a Hindi TV show is the Police Officer, either he is entirely oblivious to the situation or drinking his tea at the police station (this does not mean that the Indian police are accurately depicted). Each character in a show needs to be arrested and sent to jail at least once and then plead with the noble police officer to let them go.
- Laws do not apply: Be it the laws made by man or laws of nature, none of them apply to the protagonists of Hindi soaps. Jumping three floors, without any parkour training, to nab a robber, without any damage to any bones or ligaments is a feat indeed. Being a lawyer by education what really irks me is someone going to jail for five years and not being disbarred. These are just some of the examples of laws that do not apply to Hindi soaps.
- They always seem to have money for jewellery: They might be poor, eight people living in a one bedroom apartment but they always seem to have money to buy new jewellery. It seems that they have found a time travel machine because gold prices have not been that low since the 1970's.
- Every character needs to turn bad at least once: This isn't actually a bad thing, Hindi soaps show that there is no purely good or evil character and everyone has a little evil in them.
- True loves tears are even more powerful than true loves kisses: Forget true love's kiss (not that they can show kissing on Indian TV), the tears of a loved one can awake a person from a coma and sometimes even death.
- But the most powerful thing in the world is prayer: Praying is even more powerful than love. Prayer can grant you the strength of hundred men, reincarnate a person in another body (without having to explain what happened to the poor other soul that was in the body earlier) bring someone back from the dead, revive them from a coma when doctors have said that they will be brain dead and induce a terrible number on pan in and pan outs in a space of a minute (please don't get me wrong prayer is good for the soul, but the power of prayer is being exaggerated)
- Male protagonist and female protagonist get married, separated and then get back together: this does not need any more explaining.
- Someone suffers from amnesia once in the show: Either from a hit to the head, or drinking something laced with chemicals, one character has to suffer from amnesia at the worse opportune moment, making everyone's lives in the show that much more difficult.
These are just a few things I have noticed that goes into making a hit Hindi soap. Now if only I could get hit in the head or drink something that will make me forget all this. Also , if Ekta Kapoor reads this, I need a job.
(All Comments are meant to be jokes and should not be taken seriously).
