The Bliss of Indolence

"All of the biggest technological inventions created by man - the airplane, the automobile, the computer - says little about his intelligence, but speaks volumes about his laziness." -Mark Kennedy.

As humans we want to be lazy. Why do you think it takes me so much time to update my blog? I want to be lazy, but once in a while people get the urge to do some productive work and right now that urge has led me to write this blog, which does not mean that this blog is productive activity.

I recently was waiting along with 6 other lawyers to meet another lawyer in his chambers. While waiting I noticed something which led me to write this blog. (No, I did not notice that hell froze over with so many lawyers at one place). What I noticed was that 6 out of the 7 lawyers or going to be lawyers wore slip on formal shoes.(The ones with no laces). This led me to noticing other peoples shoes. All the rich clients that enter our office also wear those kinds of shoes. We are now so lazy that we don't even want to tie our own shoe laces. No wonder all the big corporate hotshots are called 'Fat Cats' (And by 'big' I mean 'BIG').

As a race we are getting so lazy that we are also now not willing to fight our own wars.The United States send Robotic Drones and Fighters to go and attack the enemy while the controller is sitting in some far off air conditioned room with a bag of chips on his beer belly.

But if you notice lazy people are probably the ones that work hardest. I know this sounds contradictory but if you think about it, most inventions were made so that people can be lazy. The Wheel, so that a person would not have to walk, the Wagon so that people didn't have to pull, the ship because they didn't want to travel that far,the Airplane because people didn't want to navigate ships. The Auto Pilot because people didn't want to fly the plane.So most of life's invention are to make peoples life lazier, and all of these inventions were by people who wanted to be lazy. Except for the Rubiks Cube, I have no idea why anyone came up with something like that.

Things we take for granted are made so that we can make our lives more easier. For example Velcro.I wonder what the thought process of the inventor was. "Hey, I just realised that the chips get stuck in my arm hair. And it doesn't come of. Maybe I should see if other things stick in here." Therefore after much experimenting with his arm hair (or her arm hair) velcro was invented. This was probably the same guy who was test piloting all the Air force drones.

Efiicieny is just intelligent laziness.However, there are certain negatives to laziness which I shall point out now: Kissing is one of the things a person should always find energy to do, like kissing your girlfriend or wife, blowing a kiss across the room should only be left for mothers, aunts and unidentifiable relatives. Patience: I know it sounds paradoxical, how can laziness harm patience but imagine this, laziness invented the instant mashed potato, Polaroid cameras, and microwavable dinners. We cant expect to teach the next generation patience if we ourselves have none of it.

However, I have noticed that the fatter the person, the richer he usually is, look at all of India's business tycoons. You get fat because you are lazy and thus I have realised that if I want to own a house in the city of Mumbai one must be very lazy to get it. So what I suggest is to get a hammock and a Mojito and enjoy laziness.

(All Comments are meant to be jokes and should not be taken seriously)

I.P.L. - Indian Pecunious League

Recently every person in India had their eyes glued to a television set. Not because their Indian Cricketing Icons were playing a match, but because they were being sold. And that too for amounts of money that no ordinary citizen of India could even dream of.

The bidding was over a span of two day, with a lot of Indian players going for obscene amounts of money. It reminds me of the time Cristiano Ronaldo was sold to Real Madrid. In fact, now cricket even has a Champions League. Don't you think we are trying to copy football a little too much? Pay the players obscene amounts of money and just because they cant generate enough income out of tickets from their own league, they start a so called 'Champions League'.

Some of the people will earn a lakh (1,00,000) or more for every ball they play. That is an absurd amount of money. And it reminds me of the day when Lalit Modi, the ousted CEO of the IPL once said that MS Dhoni makes more money than Cristiano Ronaldo. When I first heard that statement , I was surprised I only fell off my chair laughing and not the Earth, but with the amount that the cricketers have been bought for in this auction, I think I may need a jet propelled backpack to bring me back to Earth.

When we see the Indian Cricketers taking off their shirts and swinging it madly over their head and screaming Chak De! on TV, it is actually the players celebrating because today is their Cheque Day. (You would normally lip read the Chak De!). Gambhir will be richer than Tiger Woods, Wayne Rooney will start wearing Rohit Sharma's cast offs, Andrew Symonds along with Matthew Hayden will buy their own island so that they can go 'fishing' together, Dhoni will start his own construction agency called Chakke pe Chakka Constructions (CCC - please do not confuse this with Coffee Club of Chennai which Dhoni is also a member of) which will exclusively build 12 floored buildings, Sanath Jayasuriya will run for a post of a minister, wait a minute he already did that, I think he read my previous blog.Signboard will be held saying 'Cheque Day ...preferably in Demand Draft' instead of Chak De!

On the other hand the Pakistani Cricketers will be wondering when is their 'Cheque Day'.

However, there were ways for some cricketers to make more money than they did. For instance Robin Uthappa should have changed his name to 'Onion Uthappam'. With the price of Onions these days, he surely would have been paid the highest instead of Mr. Serious - Gautam Gambhir.

I have been thinking what these cricketers will do with all this extra money.... Here are a few ideas I came up with:

1. Robin Uthappa - Start a chain of South Indian restaurants over the world , with a speciality of Uthappams.
2. Harbhajan Singh - Start an Anger Management Course, along with an Arbitration law firm, he will be needing it now that he is teammates with Andrew Symonds.
3. S Sreesanth - Start Acting Classes for Over-exaggeration and crying on national TV
4. Yusuf Pathan - Start a Demolition Company, whose tagline should be - What I do to opponents will happen to your building 
5. Ishant Sharma - Start a diet centre, so that all girls can become as thin as him.

These are just a few ideas that cropped up into my mind. If you have any suggestions please let me know and I shall pass it along to the respective cricketers. If the Cricketers don't know what to do with their money they can always give their money to my charity called "Give Taha a Porsche Fund" - which will promptly be changed to "Give Taha All Your Money Fund" - All proceeds are not tax deductible and will be spent on making Taha's (ipso facto 'me') life more comfortable in every way possible.


(All Comments are meant to be jokes and should not be taken seriously)

On Call Conversations

Recently, I got very pissed off with one of my friends because we don't keep in touch anymore. In college, when we both probably received our first cell phones, we used to sit up and talk to each other till 2 in the morning, because it was so difficult to do all that talking when we met each other at 11 in the morning till 11 at night.

However, it struck me; that day, that I should not get mad; because the older you get the less time you spend having conversations on the phone. Or else the more you progress to middle age the shorter your conversations start to get and probably pick up once again after you retire. However most of the 'men' I know who have passed retirement still do not talk on the phone that much, However, 'Women' are a completely different issue. They will talk so much that you might not have seen phone bills that high. Which is also another reason why the men talk so little because they realized that if they talk on the phone as much as women did their retirement fund would probably get over in 5 years. Another fact is that if you are called 'prehistorically old' by the new teenagers you probably might not be able to hear the other person on the line and cut the call or have a conversation on the phone for a long time not realizing that you are talking to yourself

When I first got my cell phone, I was on it all the time; mainly telling my mom that I would be back home in 15 minutes, but yes I used to use my cell phone a lot more when I was in Junior College (11th and 12th grade) than I do now. Even when I call a person its mainly for some work and not for just catching up. My normal Conversation at this moment is:

Me: Have you completed the Journal?
Friend: No. Do you know when we have to submit it?
Me: No clue, will talk to you later.
Friend: See you.

My friend and me had entire conversation in 4 lines and mainly about college work. Nowadays we don't even start with a 'Hello' or 'Hi' but get straight to the point. However, this conversation would be drastically different when I just received my new cell phone.

Me: Hello!
Friend Dude!
Me: So have you been attending lectures?
Friend: Nope, don't even know what the teachers faces look like.
Me: Me too. (Pause for laugh), so do you know when we have to submit the journals?
Friend: We have to submit a journal?
Me: Yeah, apparently. Apparently its 10 marks of you overall exam.
Friend: Why doesn't anyone tell me this.
Me: Yeah, I came to know today because this girl called me and told me about it. I don't even know what her name was. The one who is short with dark rimmed glasses and looks like she is constantly in the library.
Friend: Yeah that girl who sucks up to the teacher, yeah she is a complete (add expletive here), she didn't even tell me.
Me: Yeah man,
This Conversation goes on for around an hour... and if you forgot what the conversation was about, it was about submission of journals.

Reading the above two conversation I realized somethings. Firstly, I never attend college and probably will be rusticated for low attendance which will severely lower my attendance and that a 11 or more line conversation can be condensed into 4 lines.

I really hate getting calls nowadays because it normally means work for me, and I try as hard as possible to be lazy when I can. However, I should be accepting more calls because when I become a lawyer I get to charge for calls. On the other hand, I hope that the people on the other line are either old women who ramble on for hours or young teenage kids who also ramble on for hours thus giving me enough money early in life to retire into a life of laziness.

(All Comments are meant to be jokes and should not be taken seriously.)

An Ode to Rum on a Deserted Island - Based on the stylings of Ogden Nash

Fiddle Dee-Dee, Fiddle Dee-Dum;
High-Ho, all about a friend, a.k.a. a chum,
The one eyed Pirate drew his sword,
"Aarr! I'll make you walk the board."
The dashing Captain in one swing;
Cut the rope to the canvassy thing.

Fiddle Dee-Dee, Fiddle Dee-Dum;
High- Ho, the Captain was about to finish the scum.
The Captain thought the pirate was trap-ped;
But somehow the Pirate escap-ped.
"The reason,"the Pirate said,"I have one eye;
Is because in a fight, I got injured, but I still finished the guy."

Fiddle Dee-Dee, Fiddle Dee- Dum;
High- Ho, the Pirate was not that dumb.
The Pirate made a quick dash,
Followed by a mighty slash.
The Captain stepped aside;
Mainly to save his own hide.

Fiddle Dee-Dee, Fiddle Dee-Dum;
High- Ho, The Captain now had to save his bum.
A move to the right, a move to the left and block.
The ship was approaching the dock.
"Look out! We are going to crash!." Without the canvassy thing to steer,
They smashed into the pier.


Fiddle Dee-Dee, Fiddle Dee-Dum;
High- Ho,both of them had to save their scrotum.
In the cold water they started free-king;
Oh, the icy waters. Which led them to thin-king,
All they had was a bottle of rum;
for the Pirate, the Captain & the friend a.k.a the chum.

Fiddle Dee-Dee, Fiddle Dee-Dum;
High- Ho,Thank the heavens for the bottle of rum.
They waited there for a save,
And hark! a ship, beyond the wave.
They celebrated & rejoiced that each was now a chum,
All thanks to the bottle of rum
Fiddle Dee-Dee, Fiddle Dee-Dum;
High- Ho, Ho, Ho, and a bottle of rum.

-Taha Varawala.

Changing Names ... Is the name Brad Pitt taken?

How about Brad Pitt? Brad Pitt sounds like a nice name for a man. I wonder if anyone else in the world is named Brad Pitt.Does anyone know if thename Brad Pitt is taken?

This sudden curiosity with changing my name came to me when I heard that the Government of India decided to change the name of a state from Orissa to Odisha. This followed the earlier decision to change the name of Bangalore to Bengaluru. Indian Cities have gone on a name changing spree after Independence.

Bombay is now Mumbai, Poona is now Pune, Madras is now Chennai, Pondicherry is now Puducherry, Calcutta is now Kolkatta and Trivandrum changed to a name that I can hardly spell let alone pronounce.

My main ire is with changing the major cities of India, meaning the big four, although I would like to include Hyderabad in there too, Mumbai, Delhi, Kolkatta and Bengaluru.

Did you know that Bengaluru means Vegetable City? It's basically a ploy by the Government to start changing the diets of the people to vegetarianism from being carnivorous beasts. After a few months with the amounts of rabbits running around and eating their crop will they realise that turning Vegetarian was not such a good idea. But more on the Non-Vegetarian - Vegetarian debate on another blog. This blog is meant for changing names. So coming back to Bangalore being a 'Vegetable city'. 'Bengaluru' or 'Bengalooroo' is derived from the Latin languange (Baingan meaning 'Vegetable' and Luru meaning 'City').

The entire world would change, meaning that they would have to change all the maps to the new names. Therefore, if India keeps changing cities names like the way African Countries change theirs, all the poor Atlas manufacturing companies would go bankrupt because as soon as they print one, they would have to print another. Or maybe they are lobbying within Governments to keep on changing names so that the people need to buy the updated version thus resulting in them buying 10 atlases a year. I have heard that they appointed Nira Radia as their lobbyist. (Just Joking)

Apart from the World, the English Language would also change. A person would have to say I have been 'Bengalurued' instead of I have been 'Bangalored'. Apart from the fact that it will be a big change for the people in India too.

Person 1: Where do you live now?
Person 2: In Bengaluru.
Person 1: Benga wa-wa?
Person 2: No, Bengaluru.
Person 1: Oh, you mean the Vegetable City.
Person 2: Yes, the Vegetable City *lets out a sigh of dissapointment*

This would be a conversation between two people: one from Bengaluru and one who is definitely not from Bengaluru.

I am totally against this blatant changing of names. I have also found a way that we the 'constant' people of India can make the government stop its 'changing' ways. I have heard that if a pertition with three signatures goes to the Lower House of Parliament i.e. Lok Sabha, they will consider changing the name . (Just like they madea big issue about Sourav Ganguly being dropped from the Indian Cricket team).

Therefore I have started a petition in Bombay. Everyone knows how to contact me. Also dontations are also mandatory to be given to "Give Taha a Porsche fund" (sorry not tax deductable). Come to think of it Bangaluru would be a cool name for a Rock band.

(All Comments are meant to be jokes and should not be taken seriously)

Global Warming and the effects on Cinema

We have to address a serious issue today. The problem of Global Warming. Global Warming not only affects the climate of the planet; thus changing the entire environment including flora and fauna but it will also affect us humans in ways that one cannot imagine.

One of the most obvious effect of Global Warming would be on the film industry. How will they survive global warming?

Lets face facts, The Titanic sank because there was  no Global Warming. Why? Since there was little  no pollution - there was no global warming, since there was no global warming the icebergs were larger, since the icebergs were larger they could have taken down the Titanic. Therefore due to lack of pollution, The Titanic sank to the bottom of the ocean floor. So I urge everyone to stop polluting less otherwise we will not have big ships that crash into icebergs only to be  found years later by a robotic submarine.If that robotic submarine would not have found the titanic we would not have had a movie based on the sinking of the ship about two desperate young lovers on board which would end up winning 11 academy awards. So please,for the sake of Leonardo Di Caprio, and all the other actors stop driving your car and use roller blades. All you will burn is fat!

If you now notice, all mainstream peole are preaching about the Environment, Leonardo Di Caprio preaching about the Environment, in hopes to prolong his acting career. Al Gore, on the other hand hoping to start his acting career after his political career didn't materialise into gaining Presidency. Leonardo Di Caprio's Documentary may seem it was out of the goodness of his heart, but the truth is that he wants to make another movie like the Titanic, only this time he may play the father of the girl in the movie. (Leonardo Di Caprio is a great actor and person, and the earlier line was just to enhance a joke)

Bollywood, apart from Hollywood, will also be affected. The dance sequences where they somehow immediately transport themselves to Switzerland to snow covered mountains will have to be replaced by dance sequences with waterfalls in the background in the mountains of Switzerland.To simulate snow they will have to use cotton, which will also be scarce because the crops would have withered in the heat. Thus songs will now be shot in Egypt, as the deserts will always be there, much like the song in Singh is King. The smog will hamper shots of films and thus there can be only close ups of the actors. Anil Kapoor's nose hair will look like a birds nest (I'm sure that they will trim it . . . someday). Actors who cannot act will be stuck in acting classes because now their bodies would not be shown in the film and would require to acquire some acting skills.

When you think about it, Kevin Costner is the next Nostradamus. He actually believed that he saw the future so much that he resorted to creating a movie which ruined his marriage. The power of self belief, he was willing to give up his married life when he believed he could see the future. I think he saw himself with a really good looking girl in the future and thus resorted to leave his wife. Waterworld, a mixture of Madmax meets Titanic, which with Global Warming will become a reality.

So the moral of this blog is don't pollute the world otherwise you would have to live in Kevin Costners Water World with ships as big as the Titanic floating around. I hope you can swim.

(All Comments are meant to be jokes and should not be taken seriously)

Memories of My Memories

R.I.P. Memory of Administrative Law. Much loved. Learnt 10/11/2010, Forgotten 15/11/2010 at 5:30 p.m.

R.I.P. Memory of Family Law. Confused Soul. Learnt 15/11/2010, Forgotten 18/11/2010 at 5:30 p.m.

R.I.P. Memory of Transfer of Property Act.Hated by All. Learnt 18/11/2010. Forgotten 22/11/2010 at 5:30 p.m.

R.I.P. Memory of Company Law.Good Company. Learnt 22/11/2010, Forgotten 25/10/2010 at 5:30 p.m.

My brain is a moratorium for all that I try to remember.

Looking at the above statements one can see that apart from forgetting things, I am studying Law. If anyone knew me they would also know that at 5:30 my papers would end, thus ending the memory life of that subject.

Although I still do remember the important parts like the fact that only directors can become the Karta of a Hindu Undivided Family through appointment by the President and can adopt an Ombudsman only with permission from the Liquidator pertaining to the rules regarding maintenance written down in the Constitution.

No, I actually do remember most of my subjects but the fact is that I don't remember them as well  after the paper as I did before.

A Discovery Channel show propounded the 'Theory of Memory' which stated that the more a person sleeps the better his chance of remembering things. Apparently your Brains grey cells store all the memories as Short Term memory and then convert them into Long term Memory when you sleep. So the longer you sleep the better your memory. So therefore it propounds that being an Insomniac will lead to either amnesia or Alzheimers. I'm an Insomniac. I feel devastated that I might someday lose my ..... what was I talking about?

So one day I decided to put this 'Theory of Memory' to the test. I was the Guinea pig as the insomniac and my perpetually sleepy cousin was the Guinea Pig as the person who sleeps a lot. My friend who is an average person with an average memory and average height who sleeps an average amount of hours a day was the Judge.

Why did I mention Average Height? It's because apparently you grow in your sleep and that explains why my cousin is 6 foot 4 and I'm in his shadow at a paltry 5 feet 8.

Anyway back to judging. We each were given a bunch of 10 photos, shown each for 5 seconds. We had to wait until the next day and at 5:30 p.m. send an email to the Judge describing each photo in one line. I remembered 6 out of 10, whereas my cousin remembered 10 out of 10. So this proved Discovery's 'Theory of Memory' right. But in fact it somewhat disproved it.

My cousin stayed at my house for the night and I can tell you that all he did was sleep apart from the 50 seconds he saw the photos. On the other hand I stayed awake for a minimum of 19 hours of the day. Which shows that the reason why sleepy people have a better memory of their days because all they have to do is remember what they did in that short amount of time, whereas an insomniac cant be expected to remember what he was doing at 11:59 p.m. on a Friday night. The probable answer for my cousin would have been 'Sleeping'. Whereas my answer would be writing this blog instead of being out with friends enjoying myself.

Therefore most of the sights and sounds of the day usually come with a gravestone attached. However, certain times they turn into Zombies and come to haunt you much like the incident of the prawns. (Read P.G. Wodehouse - Summer Lightning)

Therefore what I miss most are my memories, but I shall always console myself ifn the fact that I have memories of my memories.

(All Comments are meant to be jokes and should not be taken seriously)