An Ode to Rum on a Deserted Island - Based on the stylings of Ogden Nash

Fiddle Dee-Dee, Fiddle Dee-Dum;
High-Ho, all about a friend, a.k.a. a chum,
The one eyed Pirate drew his sword,
"Aarr! I'll make you walk the board."
The dashing Captain in one swing;
Cut the rope to the canvassy thing.

Fiddle Dee-Dee, Fiddle Dee-Dum;
High- Ho, the Captain was about to finish the scum.
The Captain thought the pirate was trap-ped;
But somehow the Pirate escap-ped.
"The reason,"the Pirate said,"I have one eye;
Is because in a fight, I got injured, but I still finished the guy."

Fiddle Dee-Dee, Fiddle Dee- Dum;
High- Ho, the Pirate was not that dumb.
The Pirate made a quick dash,
Followed by a mighty slash.
The Captain stepped aside;
Mainly to save his own hide.

Fiddle Dee-Dee, Fiddle Dee-Dum;
High- Ho, The Captain now had to save his bum.
A move to the right, a move to the left and block.
The ship was approaching the dock.
"Look out! We are going to crash!." Without the canvassy thing to steer,
They smashed into the pier.


Fiddle Dee-Dee, Fiddle Dee-Dum;
High- Ho,both of them had to save their scrotum.
In the cold water they started free-king;
Oh, the icy waters. Which led them to thin-king,
All they had was a bottle of rum;
for the Pirate, the Captain & the friend a.k.a the chum.

Fiddle Dee-Dee, Fiddle Dee-Dum;
High- Ho,Thank the heavens for the bottle of rum.
They waited there for a save,
And hark! a ship, beyond the wave.
They celebrated & rejoiced that each was now a chum,
All thanks to the bottle of rum
Fiddle Dee-Dee, Fiddle Dee-Dum;
High- Ho, Ho, Ho, and a bottle of rum.

-Taha Varawala.

Changing Names ... Is the name Brad Pitt taken?

How about Brad Pitt? Brad Pitt sounds like a nice name for a man. I wonder if anyone else in the world is named Brad Pitt.Does anyone know if thename Brad Pitt is taken?

This sudden curiosity with changing my name came to me when I heard that the Government of India decided to change the name of a state from Orissa to Odisha. This followed the earlier decision to change the name of Bangalore to Bengaluru. Indian Cities have gone on a name changing spree after Independence.

Bombay is now Mumbai, Poona is now Pune, Madras is now Chennai, Pondicherry is now Puducherry, Calcutta is now Kolkatta and Trivandrum changed to a name that I can hardly spell let alone pronounce.

My main ire is with changing the major cities of India, meaning the big four, although I would like to include Hyderabad in there too, Mumbai, Delhi, Kolkatta and Bengaluru.

Did you know that Bengaluru means Vegetable City? It's basically a ploy by the Government to start changing the diets of the people to vegetarianism from being carnivorous beasts. After a few months with the amounts of rabbits running around and eating their crop will they realise that turning Vegetarian was not such a good idea. But more on the Non-Vegetarian - Vegetarian debate on another blog. This blog is meant for changing names. So coming back to Bangalore being a 'Vegetable city'. 'Bengaluru' or 'Bengalooroo' is derived from the Latin languange (Baingan meaning 'Vegetable' and Luru meaning 'City').

The entire world would change, meaning that they would have to change all the maps to the new names. Therefore, if India keeps changing cities names like the way African Countries change theirs, all the poor Atlas manufacturing companies would go bankrupt because as soon as they print one, they would have to print another. Or maybe they are lobbying within Governments to keep on changing names so that the people need to buy the updated version thus resulting in them buying 10 atlases a year. I have heard that they appointed Nira Radia as their lobbyist. (Just Joking)

Apart from the World, the English Language would also change. A person would have to say I have been 'Bengalurued' instead of I have been 'Bangalored'. Apart from the fact that it will be a big change for the people in India too.

Person 1: Where do you live now?
Person 2: In Bengaluru.
Person 1: Benga wa-wa?
Person 2: No, Bengaluru.
Person 1: Oh, you mean the Vegetable City.
Person 2: Yes, the Vegetable City *lets out a sigh of dissapointment*

This would be a conversation between two people: one from Bengaluru and one who is definitely not from Bengaluru.

I am totally against this blatant changing of names. I have also found a way that we the 'constant' people of India can make the government stop its 'changing' ways. I have heard that if a pertition with three signatures goes to the Lower House of Parliament i.e. Lok Sabha, they will consider changing the name . (Just like they madea big issue about Sourav Ganguly being dropped from the Indian Cricket team).

Therefore I have started a petition in Bombay. Everyone knows how to contact me. Also dontations are also mandatory to be given to "Give Taha a Porsche fund" (sorry not tax deductable). Come to think of it Bangaluru would be a cool name for a Rock band.

(All Comments are meant to be jokes and should not be taken seriously)

Global Warming and the effects on Cinema

We have to address a serious issue today. The problem of Global Warming. Global Warming not only affects the climate of the planet; thus changing the entire environment including flora and fauna but it will also affect us humans in ways that one cannot imagine.

One of the most obvious effect of Global Warming would be on the film industry. How will they survive global warming?

Lets face facts, The Titanic sank because there was  no Global Warming. Why? Since there was little  no pollution - there was no global warming, since there was no global warming the icebergs were larger, since the icebergs were larger they could have taken down the Titanic. Therefore due to lack of pollution, The Titanic sank to the bottom of the ocean floor. So I urge everyone to stop polluting less otherwise we will not have big ships that crash into icebergs only to be  found years later by a robotic submarine.If that robotic submarine would not have found the titanic we would not have had a movie based on the sinking of the ship about two desperate young lovers on board which would end up winning 11 academy awards. So please,for the sake of Leonardo Di Caprio, and all the other actors stop driving your car and use roller blades. All you will burn is fat!

If you now notice, all mainstream peole are preaching about the Environment, Leonardo Di Caprio preaching about the Environment, in hopes to prolong his acting career. Al Gore, on the other hand hoping to start his acting career after his political career didn't materialise into gaining Presidency. Leonardo Di Caprio's Documentary may seem it was out of the goodness of his heart, but the truth is that he wants to make another movie like the Titanic, only this time he may play the father of the girl in the movie. (Leonardo Di Caprio is a great actor and person, and the earlier line was just to enhance a joke)

Bollywood, apart from Hollywood, will also be affected. The dance sequences where they somehow immediately transport themselves to Switzerland to snow covered mountains will have to be replaced by dance sequences with waterfalls in the background in the mountains of Switzerland.To simulate snow they will have to use cotton, which will also be scarce because the crops would have withered in the heat. Thus songs will now be shot in Egypt, as the deserts will always be there, much like the song in Singh is King. The smog will hamper shots of films and thus there can be only close ups of the actors. Anil Kapoor's nose hair will look like a birds nest (I'm sure that they will trim it . . . someday). Actors who cannot act will be stuck in acting classes because now their bodies would not be shown in the film and would require to acquire some acting skills.

When you think about it, Kevin Costner is the next Nostradamus. He actually believed that he saw the future so much that he resorted to creating a movie which ruined his marriage. The power of self belief, he was willing to give up his married life when he believed he could see the future. I think he saw himself with a really good looking girl in the future and thus resorted to leave his wife. Waterworld, a mixture of Madmax meets Titanic, which with Global Warming will become a reality.

So the moral of this blog is don't pollute the world otherwise you would have to live in Kevin Costners Water World with ships as big as the Titanic floating around. I hope you can swim.

(All Comments are meant to be jokes and should not be taken seriously)