Curl Up and Die-t !

Nowadays most people are talking about working out and what type of diet they are on. I propose the Taha Diet, patented my me, which promises to make you fat when you don't want it to. Basic nutritional sources would include chocolates, Ice cream and fried food. After all you cant get enough of these things. However I would love to research my competitors who somehow want to make people thin. What really surprises me is the amount of models that swear by these diets, most of them who look like they eat one carrot stick a week. These are the people who should take on the Taha Diet. A sure way to get you in shape, considering that round is a shape.

Atkins, General Motor, South Beach are just some of the diets that are available to the public. Other diets include - diet coke, diet pepsi, diet chips and dye-it which is a dyeing product. The whole revolution was started by Atkins and snowballed into one small piece of chicken. The only diet I really agree with is the subway diet where you eat subway sandwiches to lose weight. " That would be two meatball subs with cheese and 4 cookies, 2 packets of chips and a diet coke - you see I'm on a diet."

However I have to get into eating the right proportions, which would also mean altering my vocabulary -I'm so hungry,  I could eat a horse would now change to I'm so hungry that I could eat a pony.

These diets that are mentioned above could also be used as torture techniques ...  only one chip of lays, no more. Of course after all no one can eat just one ( I want money for advertising your brand) and they would go into mad fits craving for the second piece , they would not receive the second piece cause potatoes are filled with carbohydrates.

Another diet which people are using is what I call the rabbit food diet. I'm against this for 2 reasons - first all you eat is pretty much rabbit food, when I last read what rabbits ate was raw vegetables, nuts and their own poop. Something I am not willing to eat. Secondly this diet is made for rabbits and we all know how rabbits multiply. We are already have a population crisis, we dont need more people coming and eating all the vegetables. Hey maybe its not that bad , it leaves the meat for me .. eat little rabbits eat !!!

So right now I am contemplating which diet would be a major competitor to the Taha Diet , lets say none of them come close but I am writing this blog from inside Atkins headquarters where they gave me my last piece of lays, all I need to do to free my self is curl up and die-t.

(All comments are meant to be jokes and should not be taken seriously)

Self Help . . .

I love the words self and help, because I love myself and I love help, especially of the monetary kind. But bring them together and I will run away like you have the plague. This is excepting of course, when those words are printed on a card in front of a buffet line.

Self - Help books are something I don't believe in, but obviously they sell like hot potatoes.They are very much like hot potatoes, since once a person buys it, they realize that it is of absolutely no use. So they throw it into the waiting hands of the next person, who does the same and this chain will go on forever. The book will encompass the earth and then land up into your hands when you are old and then you realize, hey I haven't read this book, and then do the same thing over, therefore making your children live through the pain of receiving the self help book after you are no more.

Also I don't need self help books to tell me how to lead my life, for that I have other people who work free of cost for me : my parents. 7 habits of highly effective teens- the whole idea of being a teen is being a rebel so read that book and don't follow any of it, that's what a true blue teen would do.

I was thinking of writing a self help book for all those people who actually don't like them titled 'I hate self help books,' this will be promptly followed by my next book called 'I hate my previous book.'

Admittedly self help books are flying of the shelves (and all over the world as we speak), but don't you think that self help has become a little too much these days. Here are the names of a few books that I recently found at my local bookstore.

1) You can DOO it : A self help guide to cleaning up after your dog : Collie Sheppard
2) Suicide for dummies : An incomplete self help book with marvelous motivation techniques to kill yourself by Shooter Headley. Unfortunately the author couldn't finish the book because it was too useful for him. I wonder why he did it though? maybe because he was writing a self help book?
3) Tapping your potential : 5 simple steps to close your tap by Joe Plumber.

I mean they come up with self help books for everything. Maybe next year they will come out with a self help book on how to breathe. Wait that's a Yoga book. Hey, actually that self help book may not be such a bad idea, I surely need it, I cant breathe in Mumbai due to all its pollution.

(All comments are meant to be jokes and should not be taken seriously. Especially the suicide bit, Nothing is worth taking your own life for)