Friday, January 21, 2011

I.P.L. - Indian Pecunious League

Recently every person in India had their eyes glued to a television set. Not because their Indian Cricketing Icons were playing a match, but because they were being sold. And that too for amounts of money that no ordinary citizen of India could even dream of.

The bidding was over a span of two day, with a lot of Indian players going for obscene amounts of money. It reminds me of the time Cristiano Ronaldo was sold to Real Madrid. In fact, now cricket even has a Champions League. Don't you think we are trying to copy football a little too much? Pay the players obscene amounts of money and just because they cant generate enough income out of tickets from their own league, they start a so called 'Champions League'.

Some of the people will earn a lakh (1,00,000) or more for every ball they play. That is an absurd amount of money. And it reminds me of the day when Lalit Modi, the ousted CEO of the IPL once said that MS Dhoni makes more money than Cristiano Ronaldo. When I first heard that statement , I was surprised I only fell off my chair laughing and not the Earth, but with the amount that the cricketers have been bought for in this auction, I think I may need a jet propelled backpack to bring me back to Earth.

When we see the Indian Cricketers taking off their shirts and swinging it madly over their head and screaming Chak De! on TV, it is actually the players celebrating because today is their Cheque Day. (You would normally lip read the Chak De!). Gambhir will be richer than Tiger Woods, Wayne Rooney will start wearing Rohit Sharma's cast offs, Andrew Symonds along with Matthew Hayden will buy their own island so that they can go 'fishing' together, Dhoni will start his own construction agency called Chakke pe Chakka Constructions (CCC - please do not confuse this with Coffee Club of Chennai which Dhoni is also a member of) which will exclusively build 12 floored buildings, Sanath Jayasuriya will run for a post of a minister, wait a minute he already did that, I think he read my previous blog.Signboard will be held saying 'Cheque Day ...preferably in Demand Draft' instead of Chak De!

On the other hand the Pakistani Cricketers will be wondering when is their 'Cheque Day'.

However, there were ways for some cricketers to make more money than they did. For instance Robin Uthappa should have changed his name to 'Onion Uthappam'. With the price of Onions these days, he surely would have been paid the highest instead of Mr. Serious - Gautam Gambhir.

I have been thinking what these cricketers will do with all this extra money.... Here are a few ideas I came up with:
  1. Robin Uthappa - Start a chain of South Indian restaurants over the world , with a speciality of Uthappams.
  2. Harbhajan Singh - Start an Anger Management Course, along with an Arbitration law firm, he will be needing it now that he is teammates with Andrew Symonds.
  3. S Sreesanth - Start Acting Classes for Over-exaggeration and crying on national TV
  4. Yusuf Pathan - Start a Demolition Company, whose tagline should be - What I do to opponents will happen to your building 
  5. Ishant Sharma - Start a diet centre, so that all girls can become as thin as him.
These are just a few ideas that cropped up into my mind. If you have any suggestions please let me know and I shall pass it along to the respective cricketers. If the Cricketers don't know what to do with their money they can always give their money to my charity called "Give Taha a Porsche Fund" - which will promptly be changed to "Give Taha All Your Money Fund" - All proceeds are not tax deductible and will be spent on making Taha's (ipso facto 'me') life more comfortable in every way possible.


(All Comments are meant to be jokes and should not be taken seriously)

Friday, January 7, 2011

On Call Conversations

Recently, I got very pissed off with one of my friends because we don't keep in touch anymore. In college, when we both probably received our first cell phones, we used to sit up and talk to each other till 2 in the morning, because it was so difficult to do all that talking when we met each other at 11 in the morning till 11 at night.

However, it struck me; that day, that I should not get mad; because the older you get the less time you spend having conversations on the phone. Or else the more you progress to middle age the shorter your conversations start to get and probably pick up once again after you retire. However most of the 'men' I know who have passed retirement still do not talk on the phone that much, However, 'Women' are a completely different issue. They will talk so much that you might not have seen phone bills that high. Which is also another reason why the men talk so little because they realized that if they talk on the phone as much as women did their retirement fund would probably get over in 5 years. Another fact is that if you are called 'prehistorically old' by the new teenagers you probably might not be able to hear the other person on the line and cut the call or have a conversation on the phone for a long time not realizing that you are talking to yourself

When I first got my cell phone, I was on it all the time; mainly telling my mom that I would be back home in 15 minutes, but yes I used to use my cell phone a lot more when I was in Junior College (11th and 12th grade) than I do now. Even when I call a person its mainly for some work and not for just catching up. My normal Conversation at this moment is:

Me: Have you completed the Journal?
Friend: No. Do you know when we have to submit it?
Me: No clue, will talk to you later.
Friend: See you.

My friend and me had entire conversation in 4 lines and mainly about college work. Nowadays we don't even start with a 'Hello' or 'Hi' but get straight to the point. However, this conversation would be drastically different when I just received my new cell phone.

Me: Hello!
Friend Dude!
Me: So have you been attending lectures?
Friend: Nope, don't even know what the teachers faces look like.
Me: Me too. (Pause for laugh), so do you know when we have to submit the journals?
Friend: We have to submit a journal?
Me: Yeah, apparently. Apparently its 10 marks of you overall exam.
Friend: Why doesn't anyone tell me this.
Me: Yeah, I came to know today because this girl called me and told me about it. I don't even know what her name was. The one who is short with dark rimmed glasses and looks like she is constantly in the library.
Friend: Yeah that girl who sucks up to the teacher, yeah she is a complete (add expletive here), she didn't even tell me.
Me: Yeah man,
This Conversation goes on for around an hour... and if you forgot what the conversation was about, it was about submission of journals.

Reading the above two conversation I realized somethings. Firstly, I never attend college and probably will be rusticated for low attendance which will severely lower my attendance and that a 11 or more line conversation can be condensed into 4 lines.

I really hate getting calls nowadays because it normally means work for me, and I try as hard as possible to be lazy when I can. However, I should be accepting more calls because when I become a lawyer I get to charge for calls. On the other hand, I hope that the people on the other line are either old women who ramble on for hours or young teenage kids who also ramble on for hours thus giving me enough money early in life to retire into a life of laziness.

(All Comments are meant to be jokes and should not be taken seriously.)