Blog Disclaimer

Image was found on a forum and edited.
Therefore no person is accredited

This is my attempt at a Blog Disclaimer. However, if effective, it shall be used in whole as a disclaimer barring the parts that maybe illegal by law; if it is not effective, then the person reading this should take it as a sorry attempt to write something legal and maybe laugh a little.

This Blog named Thoughtless Thoughts (hereinafter referred to as the "blog/website/site" unless meant otherwise) maintained and run by Tahaha (hereinafter referred to as the "writer/author" unless meant otherwise) shall seek to provide humorous takes on everyday instances of life. This blog neither promotes nor vilifies any person, company or thing until copious amounts of intoxicants are within the writers body, due to which the writer can not be held accountable; as such said article was written in a drunken stupor. This rule maybe broken if given a hefty remuneration which would include monetary benefits as well as consumable articles.

This Blog in no way promotes itself as a self help blog and although the writer may purport to be skilled in a particular subject it may more than likely be in his SIMS life rather than real life. This blog does not promote any style of living neither condemns any. The writer loves vegetarians because they give him more meat to eat.

Any comments made against any culture, subculture, race, sex, creed, caste, kind or Alien Race shall be taken as jokes and not meant to incite any rivalry amongst them as to whose food is better.

By Accessing this blog, the reader accepts all of the clauses in this disclaimer even if such clause may ask the reader to hold his breath for 2 minutes.

All Readers shall hold their breath for 1 minute 59 seconds so as block oxygen flow to the readers brain thus rendering the said reader infantile enough to appreciate the writers sense of humour.

All Readers shall also access this blog every fortnight so as to increase the number of hits for this site and make the writer feel better about himself. An easy way of doing this is to add this site to the said readers bookmarks and access it every time the said reader opens any site that includes the words 'face' or 'book'.

This blog does not necessarily represent the writers views on any subject. It also does not represent the views of any members of his family, including children who are yet not known to the author as well as girlfriend but restricted to his mother-in law (whe he gets one) . In most cases the writer shall vehemently deny to having any view that corresponds to his writings in the abovementioned blog. The hosting website (www.blogger.com) will not be held liable for any material, images or videos; written, sourced or posted on this site until the said author is sued for any amount more than Rs. 45 (USD 1) {Price liable to change due to fluctuating foreign exchange rates}.

None of the images nor videos used in the blog are of the writers; unless written implicitly that such said image or video is under his basket of rights according to "The Indian Copyright Act, 1957". All such images are sourced from the net (Google Images) and any objections to such said images must be written in comments to the particular post and such said image shall be removed or replaced at first notice by the writer when he feels inclined to read comments.  The writer shall also give credit to the copyright holder of the image and shall provide links to their respective sites at the end of each blog as well as on his links page at every attempt as long as the writer is sober enough to remember. The above image used in the disclaimer is not of the writer however he has edited it and if no person or highly trained animal steps up to claim it, he shall claim it as his own in a 100 years.

All trademarks, service marks, collective marks, tattoos, design rights, personality rights, copyrights, registered names, mottos, taglines, logos, avatars, insignia, marks and scars used or cited by this website are the property of their respective owners and the website in no way accepts any responsibility for an infringment on one of the above.

This blog does not seek to promote or dispense any advice; even though the said blog may claim otherwise. All acts done by the writer have been imagined in his head and should not be tried at home, workplace, park, elevator, toilet, school or mistress' place. The writer shall not be held accountable to any act committed by any person after reading this blog unless such act benefits the writers life and is legal. Examples of such acts maybe giving the writer a good bottle of scotch.

The information given on this blog by the writer, to the best of his knowledge is false and has not been verified by anysource unless mentioned earlier in newspapers like News of the world, The Financial Times and any newspaper that the writer finds covering his street food.

This website has no control to any information accessed by the reader from any site that has been linked in the website. The website vows to protect the privacy of any user, but may call upon users for favours in case any user has significant means or is; as people put it; "hot". The "hot" user shall pour out scotch into the writers glass and feed him where as the one with means shall pay for any luxurious frivolities the author may feel necessary.

The website is not meant for people who:
1) Hated the earlier Star Wars Movies
2) Not seen and don't intend to watch the earlier Star Wars Movies
3) Have not watched Godfather 1
5) Do not plan to watch Godfather 1 (Obviously no one can hate the movie)
6) Believe that Bon Jovi is the greatest band alive ( they are good but not the greatest)
7) Pregnant Women without permission from their gynaecologist
8) Lawyers who have an inclination to create legal stress for the writer.
9) Have realised that I completely skipped point number 4.

In case, anyone does decide to sue the writer, they should contact Zaibaa Thingna who happens to be the writers cousin and has never lost a verbal or physical confrontation with the writer.

Reading this blog may lead to mental instability as well as an upset stomach. Readers are recommended to use the advice of Aalia Thingna in 6 years when she becomes a doctor. Until then, no reader should self medicate themselves.

This blog has not been designed by any professional and is a basic template given to the writer by blogspot. however if any reader does decide to create a website to counteract or in the rare case thank or appreciate this blog the said reader should contact Abdulqadir Varawala to help the said reader create the blog or website. For design, the reader must contact Neti Shah. For proof reading contact Quresh Varawala.

This blog addresses a wider variety of subjects and the writer IS not an expert in any subject and the reader must contact professional when queries arise over subjects mentioned in the blog. If you cannot sift through your facebook friends, phonebook on mobile phone, old telephone book, fathers or mother personal contacts you need to get out of your house more often.

The reader encourages the distribution of the said blog and promises not to sue anyone for the reproduction of the work as long as there is no commercial gain (people targeted by this clause are the newspaper, magazines and any other media that is viewed by more than 5000 people, this also includes famous blogs) The writer is in constant need of money at all points of time and thus will be willing to solicit his absurd views to the above mentioned people who were banned from reproducing this material.

This website publishes content irregularly and such content is maintained in reference to the protections afforded to it under local, provincial, state, martial, federal, international and mafia law. However if the content on this website does break any laws with the country which the current reader is reading the said blog, the blog does not condone, encourage, facilitate, recommend or protect the violation of any laws and cannot be held responsible for any violation of such laws.

This disclaimer can be reviewed and modified whenever the writer chooses and shall not have retrospective effect.

(All Comments are meant to be jokes and should not be taken seriously. Image was found in a forum, there fore no person is accredited.Parts of this disclaimer have been taken from Herche's Blog Disclaimer, however I cannot post a link as his blog is by invitation only.)

The Pothole Pangs

This is a re hash of my older blog called Potholes Galore - Part 1 and Part 2. Unfortunately due to live.com's  lack of ability to get bloggers or retain them, this blog has vanished into thin air and thus I am happy to be on a stable blog like blogger but also sad that all the hard work of 4 years before starting this blog has now faded into oblivion. I shall try and muster up my brain cells to remember everything that went into the earlier blog and try to re-create them with a bit more of elegance, class and crassness.Also shall try to make them funny.

So coming back to the blog.

I recently had a very bad injury due to a pothole. It injured my wallet. My car had to go for servicing and thus injured me gravely. I decided to go to the head of whoever is responsible for these roads; turns out his car had gotten stuck in one of the potholes and was not coming to work today. While waiting in the room, not knowing that Mr. 'Dig'le was not coming to work I went through newspaper cuttings on the walls of their office. Apparently they were proud of the fact that the city of Poona was applying to Guinness book of world records to become the city with the most potholes in the world. On asking Mr. Digle's secretary why this was put up on the boards hoping that the response would be that they were at least not the worst in the world, he replied that they were trying to create more than Poona so that Mumbai could go into the Guinness Book of World Records. So much so that they have found a chemical to make roads that will wash away with the first rain. If you don't believe me you can read about it here.

This was too much for me to handle and I rushed home, hoping there would be a road by the time I reached there; considering it was raining. On the way I received a mysterious phone call by a person called Mr. 'Khod'ani who wanted to meet me in Lokhandwala to discuss certain things related to potholes. Being the ultra inquisitive journalist that I would love to be, I decided to meet him but at my house because I'm an armchair activist and can't do any activism without my armchair. Turns out that Mr. 'Khod'ani had been to the same office the day before me but did not have the same activist ideas running through my head. Being of a certain community,(which I love for their ingenuity and methods of making money) he had found a way to make money out of the potholes. He was going to hold a competition for potholes and he had already thought of categories. Apparently there shall be a category for largest pothole; to which I immediately mentioned the one in Bandra, but apparently that was not even on their shortlist. another award was for the road with most potholes, potholes to have created the most accidents, potholes to have broken most bones, etc. He wanted me to be the blogger covering the award ceremony , like a live blogger. Obviously I agreed, because this might give some mileage to my blog considering that I have only 5 readers.

I went to the spot that we had agreed to meet the next day and upon entering the judges tent was fitted with a harness across my waist to my astonishment. Apparently Mr. 'Khod'ani had gone into one of the potholes and was lost. I was part of a rescue mission to help find him and get him out of the pothole. After 3 hours, 4 packets of  AA batteries,5 torches and two awkward falls we found Mr. 'Khod'ani to which he exclaimed that this was the second biggest pothole in Mumbai.

Due to the fact that I was underground I had no service on my cell phone. On getting above ground I realized that I had gotten missed calls and a couple of messages from Mr. Digle. Apparently the Guinness Book of World Records were counting the number of potholes in the evening and he invited me on the helicopter ride along with a judge from Guinness. During the helicopter ride I had the urgent need to call Mr. Khodani because I had found the biggest pothole that he desired. However, due to security reasons and the fact that my phone fell from my hand and into the abyss of the metropolitan jungle I could not call Mr. Khodani. The judge from Guinness informed me that he was now on his way to Pune to check their city and would announce the winner during the closing ceremony of Mr. Khodani's function.

The big day arrived; and I got ready to live blog from the event. The show was hosted by prominent contractor Mr.'Khadde' as he was the richest of all of them. The event went without a hitch with the locality of Bhayander winning most of the prizes. But for obvious reasons the most anticipated moment of the ceremony was coming up next. This also happened to be the time when my new and highly expensive smart phone started to ring and I was shushed by the crowd. I cancelled the call and focused on the ceremony. Unfortunately Pune had won the prize of the city with most potholes, but the judge also mentioned what I wanted to tell Mr. Khodani earlier, that Mumbai will still get into the Guinness Book of world records and also what proved to be the biggest pothole in the world... wait for it... (drums rolling)... the city of Mumbai, for being the only city that is within a pothole itself and thus making it the worlds biggest pothole.

After the celebrations (during which I was crying for obvious reasons) I checked the number that gave me a call and called them back. Apparently it was a German Filmmaker who had started reading my live blogs from the ceremony and wanted to meet me. Mr. B'art Shot'tenheimer was a German filmmaker who had grown up in France, made his best films in Japan, lived in Switzerland with a Brazilian wife and an adopted Somalian child. He worked for the Science Channel and was commissioned to make a documentary on the relationship between Mumbai's potholes and the Moon. He cordially invited me to his house and offered me Nutella and bread. ( I want money for advertising Nutella.) He did not speak English very well and sounded like a French person although he was German. "Mizter, I iz looking out of window un day and I saw ze most beeutiful lake outzide. turnz out it waz juzt a pothole with watter. I have received footage of ze moon from ze science channel and am uzing it to compare Mumbaiz roadz to it. It iz very interezting you zee. I called yu hier zo that yu can take me tso those placez of ze potholez." Agreeing on helping out so that I would have my blog and name promoted at the end of thefilm, I took Mr.Shottenheimer around the city. He kept on taking videos and he kept on screaming -"Zis iz fantastik".

After the day ended, I took a rickshaw back home. The potholes on the road gave me major back pain and I heard the pregnant lady in the other rickshaw screaming that she thinks that she might have had a abortion. Potholes- the new way to control the population crisis after 3G videos. The potholes were so many that I am surprised that chiropractors aren't the richest doctors in the city and the fact that I hadn't got a slipped disc yet. However during all the expletives that were going through my head at the moment it suddenly struck me. We do not have anything known as Potholes anymore, on the other hand we have something known as potbumps i.e. the road in between the potholes. (this may seem like an old joke now, but when I first wrote this I had never heard the joke before thus leading me to believe that I was the one that created this joke.The older version of this blog I think was published around 6 years ago.) I immediately called Mr. Digle and it turns out Mr. Khodani was on the other line. I told them of my unique observation but it was dismissed as they were planning to have another prize ceremony for Potholes due to the tremendous support from the workers and financial backing from the contractors. It was such a success that they were planning to have more categories for the awards. Potholes that most looks like a Movie Star. The oldest Pothole on the road, The Potholes with the most nicknames etc. After hearing this I decided that I was better suited sitting in my armchair and being an activist from there, cause my back is killing me.

(All Comments are meant to be jokes and should not be taken seriously)

Hometown Heroes

The Mis-adventures of Bunty-Man - Comic by Taha Varawala

I have been born and brought up in Mumbai {nee Bombay (nee Mumbai)} and I am proud to call it my Hometown. Sure it may  be full of potholes, susceptible to terrorist attacks, overpopulated, filled with traffic jams,corruption due to the industrialist and political nexus, but it is still my hometown; and one of which I am proud of.

I believe that Mumbai shall be the training ground for the new generation of Superheroes to the world. Imagine, names like Bunty-Man, Girgaum Gal, Bandra Boy and Lady Lalbaug  saving the day. They shall be household names. I know there are no such things as superheroes but I believe the city of Mumbai is an apt training ground for training superheroes. I shall now demonstrate below how each superpower can be imbibed into Mumbaikars bodies.

Super Speed :- It is a hidden secret that most Mumbaikars are faster than Usain Bolt with a fircracker up his nether regions. However, it is never shown unless the time is 5:42 p.m. or 6:12 p.m. This is the time when the person in question runs to reach his local train. Even if a Somalian athlete was running because there was a buffet table at the finish line, the Mumbaikar shall still be faster and look more harrowed than him.

Super Strength: - All Mumbaikars have a latent ability of super strength, they just haven't tapped into their potential yet. However, one can see this strength come out when people push each other inside the train so that they can get into the train and balance on one toe for the rest of the 2 hour journey back home. This is what I like to call L.S.S. ( Latent Super Strength).Which also leads me to my next superpower.

Super Agility :- A Mumbaikar can jump over dog shit on the road, hurdle a divider, leap out of the way of speeding cars, maneuver  through a crowd of people, jump over a sleeping man (Only the Indian Superhero Rajnikanth can jump over a two floored building; but it doesn't mean we Mumbaikars don't try.),balance on one toe for 2 hours (see point above), dodge a public transport vehicle, come close to falling of a train and consider a trip back home as uneventful.

Super Sight :- This ability gets activated when a person comes out of a train station to search for empty cabs and auto rickshaws. One can spot an empty rickshaw at least half a kilometer away and use their super speed to reach them before anyone else.

Super Hearing :- If one does not have super hearing one would never be able to decipher the message the announcer is trying to convey at railway station, you must have super hearing.

Super Awareness (Spidey - Sense) :- Each Mumbaikar has superb awareness which is the only superpower that is always active. However, this is some time prone to malfunction. Super Awareness is created in the Mumbaikar body due to the fact that his brain has to take notice of the people sleeping on the gorund, the dog shit on the ground as well speeding cars on the road, all in an effort to cross the road. No wonder the Chicken never reached the other side in Mumbai. It takes heightened brain activity at the level of Einstein to manage to be aware of all the surroundings.

I suggest that we start a superhero group called the Manoos Und Mahila Battling against Iniquitous (M.U.M.B.A.I) {und is and in German also Iniquitous means unjust/immoral}to battle the evils of the world and occasionally joined by the anti-hero group called Dastardly.Enigmatic.Law-breaking.Heinous.International (D.E.L.H.I.)

The sidekick training will happen on Mumbai Local trains and once proficient enough to join M.U.M.B.A.I. they shall be upgraded by being able to roam the entire city to hone in on their skills. I shall be the commander of this superhero group, since I thought of it and hopefully it will lead to less cats being stuck in trees.

(All comments are meant to be jokes and should not be taken seriously. Especially the one about Somalians. People need to help the people of that country. )

Facebook = Networking, sorry Notworking.

Lets get this clear, Facebook is a waste of time. A very interesting waste of time but nonetheless, a waste of time. I am not against Facebook in anyway, and I do have an account which is also the reason I am still looking for an internship right now and why I haven't finished writing this blog for over a month.

Facebook has greatly reduced efficiency in working people; except people working in Social Media (which I have yet to still figure out). Facebook does have its pros and cons, and by this I mean the people playing Mafia Wars. Mafia wars and Farmville are the two most popular games on Facebook and everyday I thank God for them. Not playing these games proves to me that I have a functioning brain. Mafia Wars and Farmville takes the slogan of Jai Jawan, Jai Kisaan to a whole new level. (Victory to the soldier, Victory to the farmer - for people who don't understand Hindi) (This joke was provided by a stand up comedian from Delhi - forgot his name so kudos to him). Why should a person waste their time on a website, when they could be using the effort into growing their own farm in their backyard; that way we can reduce the worlds food shortage and not add to its intelligentia shortage.

Facebook also helps lunatics and crazy people, a category which is very likely that I fall into. Now a lunatic or a crazy person can talk to a wall and still be considered cool and sane in the membrane. This can also be applied to loners.

Facebook is so addictive that they have started Facebook addiction groups. According to Facebook statistics 500 million people actively use Facebook, the previous holder of that title was heroin. If Facebook was a country, it would be in top 5 most populous countries in the world and also the least productive.

My brother, who is an IT engineer will be making an app for Facebook (after he reads this) that tells you what you were doing exactly on year ago, nine times out of ten the answer would be wasting time on Facebook.

Facebook also helps people steal other peoples identities . I just found out that I am actually a dog in Azerbaijan with a foot infection and thus my status is woof woof woof - meaning help me in canince language. The privacy aspect is a big issue for most Facebook users, even more so after the new facial recognition feature which they have added. Now you shall be tagged in the pictures your stalker puts up to show to the world. Not that he could not stalk you sitting and home and clicking the refresh button for your Facebook profile every 5 minutes.

Thus Facebook needs to be eradicated from the workplace... which will lead to people checking Facebook on their phones. Which will mean more smart phones will be sold. Which means Apple, Samsung and HTC will become richer. Which also means that they could have given me money to write this blog. Which is also why I am checking my bank account every five minutes. Which is also why I have now gotten addicted to e banking. Which is also why contributions to the 'Give Taha a Porsche Fund' can be made online, Which is also why I have mentioned the words 'which' 9 times in this paragraph. (include the one in the last sentence.)

Thus Facebook helps people procrastinate and results in a blog once every two months, if it were not Facebook, I could be living the life of a blogger with more than 5 readers.

Also I will now also sometimes share videos on YouTube that I find funny. And also, no one noticed the grammatical errors in the earlier sentence. See I made you look. No coming back to the video, this is the first of hopefully many. This videos is about the new gaming hit, angry birds. Hope you enjoy it. It was taken from the Israeli comedy show 'Eretz Nehederet' ( A Wonderful Country).

(All Comments are meant to be jokes and should not be taken seriously. )

The Curse of the Contacts

I love my glasses, apart from making  me seem intelligent, it helps me get into clubs without being asked for identification. My glasses have been my closest companion, one could say opening my eyes to the world around me.

However, I recently went for a photo shoot and a very attractive girl mentioned to me that I would look better without them. Which of course led to me walking into walls. My Brother, then decided it was time to get me contact lenses.

I've always hated the idea of contact lenses, because I feel that I shouldn't be paying for money to poke myself in the eye trying to fit these godforsaken objects into my eyes. Apart from that , they don't make you look intelligent (I now just look like a ragamuffin) but I did a little research on contact lenses and to my amazement I found out that they can also help you colour your eyes. Just imagine me, an Indian with blue eyes, how good would that look?

I didn't feel I was quite up to the task of maintaining contact lenses so I sat and learned quite intently from my Brother (he always gives good advice) the intricacies of using contact lenses:

1)  Clean your lenses at night: I hardly remember to brush my teeth at night, cleaning contact lenses will be difficult to learn. I also learned that putting your contacts in soap water is not the 'correct' way to clean lenses at night, one must buy a special solution to soak them in the special retainer made for the contact lenses - a lot of corporates making 'special' profits making out here. Another no- no is cleaning your lenses with saliva, which led me to forsake my lifelong cleaning mantra, if saliva can't; than nothing can.

2) If lenses dry out, soak them for 4 hours: and suffer four hours of complete blindness, waiting for the lenses to soak? Give me 4 hours of family vacation slide-shows any day.

3) Replace your lenses monthly: I sometimes forget to turn the page on the calendar (which is actually true), how would I remember to change my contact lenses?

4) Do not go to prison and then lose your lenses: pretty simple explanation there, but I kept on wondering how my brother knew that fact.

5) Always check if the contacts are inside out before wearing: this advice kind of confused me because I would be blind without my contact lenses but yet somehow I have to look and check whether they are the right way round.

6) Do not sleep while wearing contact lenses: I want to sleep all the time, and sometimes sleep with my glasses on, this isn't going to work for me.

7) Always put the contacts according to which eye they belong to go in: Out here it is written on the container 'R' for right and 'L' for left, my point again is that how would a person be able to read without my contacts. I sometimes feel, that optometrists should start teaching you how to read Braille along with giving you a contact lens prescriptions.

8) Keep fingernails trimmed: This should not be a problem for me as I always chew my nails out of nervousness, which would always happen before trying to poke myself in the eye.

These were just a few of the 32 instructions that my brother gave me. I preferred my life with only 2 instructions for me to view in Full HD and 3D (have to mention it after all the promotions by the cable companies). Remove your glasses when you sleep (optional, if you are in a moving vehicle or some place that you cannot remove your glasses) and clean them once it starts to look like the entire area is covered in fog.

So, thus ended my brief stint with the experiment of contact lenses. I have realised that although good looking girls would want to see me without my glasses, there would be no way that I would be able to see them, and that is all that matters.

(All Comments are meant to be jokes and should not be taken seriously)

The Bliss of Indolence

"All of the biggest technological inventions created by man - the airplane, the automobile, the computer - says little about his intelligence, but speaks volumes about his laziness." -Mark Kennedy.

As humans we want to be lazy. Why do you think it takes me so much time to update my blog? I want to be lazy, but once in a while people get the urge to do some productive work and right now that urge has led me to write this blog, which does not mean that this blog is productive activity.

I recently was waiting along with 6 other lawyers to meet another lawyer in his chambers. While waiting I noticed something which led me to write this blog. (No, I did not notice that hell froze over with so many lawyers at one place). What I noticed was that 6 out of the 7 lawyers or going to be lawyers wore slip on formal shoes.(The ones with no laces). This led me to noticing other peoples shoes. All the rich clients that enter our office also wear those kinds of shoes. We are now so lazy that we don't even want to tie our own shoe laces. No wonder all the big corporate hotshots are called 'Fat Cats' (And by 'big' I mean 'BIG').

As a race we are getting so lazy that we are also now not willing to fight our own wars.The United States send Robotic Drones and Fighters to go and attack the enemy while the controller is sitting in some far off air conditioned room with a bag of chips on his beer belly.

But if you notice lazy people are probably the ones that work hardest. I know this sounds contradictory but if you think about it, most inventions were made so that people can be lazy. The Wheel, so that a person would not have to walk, the Wagon so that people didn't have to pull, the ship because they didn't want to travel that far,the Airplane because people didn't want to navigate ships. The Auto Pilot because people didn't want to fly the plane.So most of life's invention are to make peoples life lazier, and all of these inventions were by people who wanted to be lazy. Except for the Rubiks Cube, I have no idea why anyone came up with something like that.

Things we take for granted are made so that we can make our lives more easier. For example Velcro.I wonder what the thought process of the inventor was. "Hey, I just realised that the chips get stuck in my arm hair. And it doesn't come of. Maybe I should see if other things stick in here." Therefore after much experimenting with his arm hair (or her arm hair) velcro was invented. This was probably the same guy who was test piloting all the Air force drones.

Efiicieny is just intelligent laziness.However, there are certain negatives to laziness which I shall point out now: Kissing is one of the things a person should always find energy to do, like kissing your girlfriend or wife, blowing a kiss across the room should only be left for mothers, aunts and unidentifiable relatives. Patience: I know it sounds paradoxical, how can laziness harm patience but imagine this, laziness invented the instant mashed potato, Polaroid cameras, and microwavable dinners. We cant expect to teach the next generation patience if we ourselves have none of it.

However, I have noticed that the fatter the person, the richer he usually is, look at all of India's business tycoons. You get fat because you are lazy and thus I have realised that if I want to own a house in the city of Mumbai one must be very lazy to get it. So what I suggest is to get a hammock and a Mojito and enjoy laziness.

(All Comments are meant to be jokes and should not be taken seriously)

I.P.L. - Indian Pecunious League

Recently every person in India had their eyes glued to a television set. Not because their Indian Cricketing Icons were playing a match, but because they were being sold. And that too for amounts of money that no ordinary citizen of India could even dream of.

The bidding was over a span of two day, with a lot of Indian players going for obscene amounts of money. It reminds me of the time Cristiano Ronaldo was sold to Real Madrid. In fact, now cricket even has a Champions League. Don't you think we are trying to copy football a little too much? Pay the players obscene amounts of money and just because they cant generate enough income out of tickets from their own league, they start a so called 'Champions League'.

Some of the people will earn a lakh (1,00,000) or more for every ball they play. That is an absurd amount of money. And it reminds me of the day when Lalit Modi, the ousted CEO of the IPL once said that MS Dhoni makes more money than Cristiano Ronaldo. When I first heard that statement , I was surprised I only fell off my chair laughing and not the Earth, but with the amount that the cricketers have been bought for in this auction, I think I may need a jet propelled backpack to bring me back to Earth.

When we see the Indian Cricketers taking off their shirts and swinging it madly over their head and screaming Chak De! on TV, it is actually the players celebrating because today is their Cheque Day. (You would normally lip read the Chak De!). Gambhir will be richer than Tiger Woods, Wayne Rooney will start wearing Rohit Sharma's cast offs, Andrew Symonds along with Matthew Hayden will buy their own island so that they can go 'fishing' together, Dhoni will start his own construction agency called Chakke pe Chakka Constructions (CCC - please do not confuse this with Coffee Club of Chennai which Dhoni is also a member of) which will exclusively build 12 floored buildings, Sanath Jayasuriya will run for a post of a minister, wait a minute he already did that, I think he read my previous blog.Signboard will be held saying 'Cheque Day ...preferably in Demand Draft' instead of Chak De!

On the other hand the Pakistani Cricketers will be wondering when is their 'Cheque Day'.

However, there were ways for some cricketers to make more money than they did. For instance Robin Uthappa should have changed his name to 'Onion Uthappam'. With the price of Onions these days, he surely would have been paid the highest instead of Mr. Serious - Gautam Gambhir.

I have been thinking what these cricketers will do with all this extra money.... Here are a few ideas I came up with:

1. Robin Uthappa - Start a chain of South Indian restaurants over the world , with a speciality of Uthappams.
2. Harbhajan Singh - Start an Anger Management Course, along with an Arbitration law firm, he will be needing it now that he is teammates with Andrew Symonds.
3. S Sreesanth - Start Acting Classes for Over-exaggeration and crying on national TV
4. Yusuf Pathan - Start a Demolition Company, whose tagline should be - What I do to opponents will happen to your building 
5. Ishant Sharma - Start a diet centre, so that all girls can become as thin as him.

These are just a few ideas that cropped up into my mind. If you have any suggestions please let me know and I shall pass it along to the respective cricketers. If the Cricketers don't know what to do with their money they can always give their money to my charity called "Give Taha a Porsche Fund" - which will promptly be changed to "Give Taha All Your Money Fund" - All proceeds are not tax deductible and will be spent on making Taha's (ipso facto 'me') life more comfortable in every way possible.


(All Comments are meant to be jokes and should not be taken seriously)

On Call Conversations

Recently, I got very pissed off with one of my friends because we don't keep in touch anymore. In college, when we both probably received our first cell phones, we used to sit up and talk to each other till 2 in the morning, because it was so difficult to do all that talking when we met each other at 11 in the morning till 11 at night.

However, it struck me; that day, that I should not get mad; because the older you get the less time you spend having conversations on the phone. Or else the more you progress to middle age the shorter your conversations start to get and probably pick up once again after you retire. However most of the 'men' I know who have passed retirement still do not talk on the phone that much, However, 'Women' are a completely different issue. They will talk so much that you might not have seen phone bills that high. Which is also another reason why the men talk so little because they realized that if they talk on the phone as much as women did their retirement fund would probably get over in 5 years. Another fact is that if you are called 'prehistorically old' by the new teenagers you probably might not be able to hear the other person on the line and cut the call or have a conversation on the phone for a long time not realizing that you are talking to yourself

When I first got my cell phone, I was on it all the time; mainly telling my mom that I would be back home in 15 minutes, but yes I used to use my cell phone a lot more when I was in Junior College (11th and 12th grade) than I do now. Even when I call a person its mainly for some work and not for just catching up. My normal Conversation at this moment is:

Me: Have you completed the Journal?
Friend: No. Do you know when we have to submit it?
Me: No clue, will talk to you later.
Friend: See you.

My friend and me had entire conversation in 4 lines and mainly about college work. Nowadays we don't even start with a 'Hello' or 'Hi' but get straight to the point. However, this conversation would be drastically different when I just received my new cell phone.

Me: Hello!
Friend Dude!
Me: So have you been attending lectures?
Friend: Nope, don't even know what the teachers faces look like.
Me: Me too. (Pause for laugh), so do you know when we have to submit the journals?
Friend: We have to submit a journal?
Me: Yeah, apparently. Apparently its 10 marks of you overall exam.
Friend: Why doesn't anyone tell me this.
Me: Yeah, I came to know today because this girl called me and told me about it. I don't even know what her name was. The one who is short with dark rimmed glasses and looks like she is constantly in the library.
Friend: Yeah that girl who sucks up to the teacher, yeah she is a complete (add expletive here), she didn't even tell me.
Me: Yeah man,
This Conversation goes on for around an hour... and if you forgot what the conversation was about, it was about submission of journals.

Reading the above two conversation I realized somethings. Firstly, I never attend college and probably will be rusticated for low attendance which will severely lower my attendance and that a 11 or more line conversation can be condensed into 4 lines.

I really hate getting calls nowadays because it normally means work for me, and I try as hard as possible to be lazy when I can. However, I should be accepting more calls because when I become a lawyer I get to charge for calls. On the other hand, I hope that the people on the other line are either old women who ramble on for hours or young teenage kids who also ramble on for hours thus giving me enough money early in life to retire into a life of laziness.

(All Comments are meant to be jokes and should not be taken seriously.)